During these stressful times we might all be feeling scared, overwhelmed, distracted. These are very normal and natural feelings to have in response to these uncertain and quickly changing times.

Our anxieties and fears should be acknowledged and not ignored, rather they need to be understood and addressed. Even very young children are sensitive to change and they may find it difficult to understand all of the changes that have taken place. Children of all ages may be more demanding, irritable and may want to be closer to and make more demands on their parents and caregivers. This may increase the pressure the adults are already feeling.

Simple strategies we’ve mentioned before like establishing a routine and insisting on simple measures you can have control of, such as washing your hands well and often, will help children feel more secure and calm. Explaining in age appropriate language how the virus is spreading and the need to stay home and isolated to help ourselves and others stay well, will also help children feel more secure and calm.

In addition to these practices it can be very helpful to become more skillful at recognizing and understanding the emotions everyone in the household is having. During this time of rapidly evolving crisis, many of us are having ‘big emotions’. This is altogether natural. It might even be a good opportunity to become ‘detectives about feelings’…

Most of the upcoming posts on this website will address the skills, tools and practices for better understanding, navigating and using our feelings so that we all feel better, happier and closer to those we care about and who care for us.

Remember, your children are looking to you for reassurance. You will serve them well to be your most honest, calm and wise selves. Their wellbeing depends on your wellbeing, and the choices you make.

Getting to know your feelings – recognizing, naming, understanding and noticing patterns in feelings.

Take a moment, and notice how you feel. Impatient, sad,, scared, worried, grateful, surprised, irritated, confused? Try to name the feelings. It is not always easy to name feelings. We don’t really give much conscious thought to feelings, they are just there and we co-exist with them every day, every hour, every minute. But feelings determine much of what we do, how satisfied or dissatisfied we are in our lives. We can learn to pay attention to our feelings and better understand them, to navigate them and to even utilize them to make better decisions and improve our relationships.

Simply naming a feeling gives you a little pause in which you can decide how you want to respond to the feeling. It gives you a little space between you and the feeling and reminds you that you are not your feeling and in fact, feelings are temporary and change.

Feelings have causes. They do not come out of the blue. See if you can find out what causes what feelings. Continue doing things that cause cheerful, hopeful feelings. Going outside, helping someone else, remembering happy times, petting a pet, these things can help you feel hopeful and present.

Notice in your body if you can see where you feel the feeling. Maybe your ears get hot or your stomach has ‘butterflies’ or your throat feels tight or your heart is beating fast? These bodily sensations tell us something about our feelings.

Write down your feelings and note the time. Set a timer and write down your feelings two hours later. Feelings change. Most last only a very short time unless you continue activities or thoughts that feed the same feelings.

We also have multiple, sometimes contradictory feelings at the same time and in response to the same stimulus! You might feel excited, anxious, scared and curious, all at the same time, in anticipation of a phone call with someone you don’t know well.

Help your children notice and name their feelings, help them notice where in their bodies they feel the feelings, identify the causes of the feelings. Help them notice that feelings change over time.

Together you might also note that simply naming feelings gives a bit of relief from them. Often, there is a sense of calm when you find the right name for the feeling. Disappointment feels a bit different than frustration. Annoyed feels a bit different than irritated. They might be similar but one might have a bit more energy than the other.

There is no right and wrong with feelings. Feelings are just information.

Finally see if you can notice and list activities that create more hopeful, cheerful, happy feelings.

Tomorrow and in coming days we will continue to focus on emotion-related and social skills that will help families build positive emotional climates at home so that we can all weather these challenging days responsibly and with compassion and kindness.

During these stressful times we might all be feeling scared, overwhelmed, distracted. These are very normal and natural feelings to have in response to these uncertain and quickly changing times.

Our anxieties and fears should be acknowledged and not ignored, rather they need to be understood and addressed. Even very young children are sensitive to change and they may find it difficult to understand all of the changes that have taken place. Children of all ages may be more demanding, irritable and may want to be closer to and make more demands on their parents and caregivers. This may increase the pressure the adults are already feeling.

Simple strategies we’ve mentioned before like establishing a routine and insisting on simple measures you can have control of, such as washing your hands well and often, will help children feel more secure and calm. Explaining in age appropriate language how the virus is spreading and the need to stay home and isolated to help ourselves and others stay well, will also help children feel more secure and calm.

In addition to these practices it can be very helpful to become more skillful at recognizing and understanding the emotions everyone in the household is having. During this time of rapidly evolving crisis, many of us are having ‘big emotions’. This is altogether natural. It might even be a good opportunity to become ‘detectives about feelings’…

Most of the upcoming posts on this website will address the skills, tools and practices for better understanding, navigating and using our feelings so that we all feel better, happier and closer to those we care about and who care for us.

Remember, your children are looking to you for reassurance. You will serve them well to be your most honest, calm and wise selves. Their wellbeing depends on your wellbeing, and the choices you make.

Getting to know your feelings – recognizing, naming, understanding and noticing patterns in feelings.

Take a moment, and notice how you feel. Impatient, sad,, scared, worried, grateful, surprised, irritated, confused? Try to name the feelings. It is not always easy to name feelings. We don’t really give much conscious thought to feelings, they are just there and we co-exist with them every day, every hour, every minute. But feelings determine much of what we do, how satisfied or dissatisfied we are in our lives. We can learn to pay attention to our feelings and better understand them, to navigate them and to even utilize them to make better decisions and improve our relationships.

Simply naming a feeling gives you a little pause in which you can decide how you want to respond to the feeling. It gives you a little space between you and the feeling and reminds you that you are not your feeling and in fact, feelings are temporary and change.

Feelings have causes. They do not come out of the blue. See if you can find out what causes what feelings. Continue doing things that cause cheerful, hopeful feelings. Going outside, helping someone else, remembering happy times, petting a pet, these things can help you feel hopeful and present.

Notice in your body if you can see where you feel the feeling. Maybe your ears get hot or your stomach has ‘butterflies’ or your throat feels tight or your heart is beating fast? These bodily sensations tell us something about our feelings.

Write down your feelings and note the time. Set a timer and write down your feelings two hours later. Feelings change. Most last only a very short time unless you continue activities or thoughts that feed the same feelings.

We also have multiple, sometimes contradictory feelings at the same time and in response to the same stimulus! You might feel excited, anxious, scared and curious, all at the same time, in anticipation of a phone call with someone you don’t know well.

Help your children notice and name their feelings, help them notice where in their bodies they feel the feelings, identify the causes of the feelings. Help them notice that feelings change over time.

Together you might also note that simply naming feelings gives a bit of relief from them. Often, there is a sense of calm when you find the right name for the feeling. Disappointment feels a bit different than frustration. Annoyed feels a bit different than irritated. They might be similar but one might have a bit more energy than the other.

There is no right and wrong with feelings. Feelings are just information.

Finally see if you can notice and list activities that create more hopeful, cheerful, happy feelings.

Tomorrow and in coming days we will continue to focus on emotion-related and social skills that will help families build positive emotional climates at home so that we can all weather these challenging days responsibly and with compassion and kindness.

Tool # 2

Taking care of your

Emotional and Mental Wellbeing- Routines

These are very uncertain times. It is normal to feel anxious and scared when so many things are new, changing and changing quickly. We feel anxious when we want to have control but cannot.

Take control of the things you can control.

Establish a routine and maintain it. If you usually get up at 6:30, keep waking up at 6:30. This will make the day more predictable and reliable for your child and for you. 

Co-create a schedule with everyone in your household.  Include time to be outside (while maintain distance from neighbors and friends), time to connect (phone calls, social media) with friends and family, time for physical activity, time to help someone else, time for chores, time to learn, time to read, time to make something. 

Read aloud the schedule in the morning to remind everyone what was planned. Set your alarm to help keep everyone on schedule. Review your schedule in the evening and make adjustments as needed. Be forgiving. Persevere. These are new times with unique challenges. You might be in the house many more hours than usual with family members and children. It is normal to get on one another’s nerves. A routine will help.

 

Six days ago, I returned from a week in Guatemala serving my role as a new Board Member on the Aldea Foundation (learn more), formerly the Behrhorst Partners for Development. Carroll Behrhorst, MD, was an important influence in my life as a friend, colleague, mentor and professor at Tulane’s School of Public Health and Tropical Medicine in the mid-1980s. The stories he shared and the questions he asked of me then have profoundly inclined my thinking and influenced the direction of my choices and my life. Being in Guatemala for the first time in 30 years, having my feet again in the world of international public health and education, and reconnecting with the Foundation and its on-going work of engagement, empowerment, increased personal and community agency, all based in profound respect for the Mayan people of the Highlands of Guatemala and the wisdom within us all, reminded me of the joy and power embedded in working with resonance.

Carroll Behrhorst lived and expressed deep and unconditional respect and high regard for the people he served. Stephan Kinzer, in his New York Times article of July 16^th, 1984, said Dr. Behrhorst’s was a “health program” rather than a “medical program.” He and his colleagues, all of whom were Guatemalan, trained hundreds of local health promoters to treat the sick in their own villages, which Dr. Behrhorst believed anyone with a ‘modicum of information and compassion’ could easily do.

Wisdom lives within each of us. Developing practices that help us recognize and attend to that wisdom is a foundational goal of emotional intelligence. We can all help one another. Given pertinent information and by activating our innate compassion, we can become and we can co-create more peaceful, just, accountable, fair, and healthy individuals, families and communities. By knowing ourselves better and by practicing our sense of choice, our sense of agency, we can more often align our actions with our inner knowing or wisdom, guided by our emotions and by a moral compass.

I am reminded by my recent visit to Guatemala and the work of the Aldea Foundation of both the power and the joy of working in an environment where there is resonance­–where beliefs, assumptions and values are shared. As we clarify and make more explicit our shared beliefs, assumptions and values, we create the opportunity to work with greater joy, perseverance, creativity, flexibility and power to more sustainably cultivate a just and peaceful world.